Hello beautiful community.
First of all, it feels so good to be sitting here writing this from a place that feels both vulnerable and strong, and to be deepening in a practice which has been hard for me for most of my life, as I reach out to ask for support.
As some of you know, I experienced a car accident near the beginning of April and have been recovering these last few weeks. It felt pretty terrible at first, totaling my new car (only half paid for, and with no collision insurance) and dealing with whiplash (for which I’m still currently being treated), but one month later I’m beginning to feel from a deep place within me the gift that this accident has been in my life.
Today I was supported through a deeply transformative session to renegotiate some of the trauma of the accident itself, with the help of my amazing somatic experiencing therapist, Janice. I told her that the accident, even though it came out of “left field” (literally and figuratively! (I had to swerve left around the car in front of me!)), felt, even while it was happening, like the final domino in a long series of dominoes that was waiting to topple, and I knew, somehow, even in that moment, that if I healed through this with creativity, trust, and the right kind of attention, I’d heal a whole lot more beneath the surface than the effects of those few seconds on the road.
Talk about a chance to practice what I preach! My newly budding intuitive somatic healing practice, Desert Lotus Healing, is all about accessing and bolstering deep, innate resilience in the whole being.
I recall a similar moment in the summer of 2013 when I was in the Peruvian jungle in the middle of a plant medicine ceremony, feeling the profound anxiety that was connected to the chronic illness I had then, contracted in Guatemala a couple of years before, and knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt: If I heal from this, if I uproot the fear of this particular thing, lifetimes (or at the very least this lifetime) of the same fear will be uprooted along with it (the domino effect of healing trauma). And it was true.
After the accident last month, I’ve had no choice but to tap even more deeply into my own inner resources, to slow down, to nourish, to ask for help and to say no to things where I was too stretched, all while not losing hope for the things in my life I have been slowly building toward. I went through a few bouts of depression that released with spontaneous tears in moments where I felt the loss of the carefully constructed pieces of life I had been building little by little and with much diligence, fall apart so quickly. After each release, I was left lucid, clear, fresh, and aware yet again that I have absolutely no control over what happens in my life, but that I do have choice about how I respond. And I was shown that even though the house fell down, the builder in me did not. One day crying, the next day laughing, I’m learning what it means to be even more open, even more receptive, even more trusting, even more brave, and even more alive. I feel like I have courage to take more risks, even as I accept the limitations of the conditions I am continually handed. I'm getting a chance to get creative about manifesting my dreams.
I am in the midst of applying for for a four-day intensive with Shakti Rising at the end of this month. I’m excited about it. It’s called Practical Alchemy: An Embodied Wisdom Teacher Training, “a feminine-centered training model of leadership, empowerment and facilitation,” which “weaves personal healing and social change, holding both as essential to true embodiment of any and all teaching material.” Totally up my alley, especially as I’ve already been dipping my toes in the waters of this teaching/facilitation thing. At first I thought, “There’s no way I can do this now. I’m broke!” But after speaking with the lovely Eden (who’s in charge of registration for the program) on the phone last week, and tuning in at soul level to whether this gathering is right for me, I got a strong “Yes” and a knowing that:
A. This training will provide the next level of support and resources that I need to take my work as a healer, leader, and embodied presence in service to the world to the next level, and
B. Taking the risk to apply even though I can’t pay for it on my own is a big part of the life lesson I am learning right now about trust and receptivity
To learn more about the training, check it out here:
And to contribute to my Plumfund campaign, click here:
I will also be attending a leading-edge trauma-resilience training called Organic Intelligence, the newest iteration of Somatic Experiencing, which begins in the Fall. More on that later!
I look forward to sharing more with you all about what I emerge with from these investments I am making that will deepen my knowledge and practice.
~With love, gratitude, and resilience~